Hey all, I'm now living in Goshogawara, Aomori Japan!
Not much to say, everything is great. Hope everyone is doing well.
Just thought I'd update to update to mark the occasion.
So I got worse, then I got better, then I got worse. It's been an eventful week, needless to say.
How's everyone? All two people that read my journal anymore? I admit I tend to only post when I feel it's necessary to let everyone know what a mess I am. Or how absolutely wonderful everything's going. But the truth is, I'm pretty damn normal these days and I like it quite a bit. I'm not kidding; I know, hard to believe.
Working, working on stuff, working at stuff. Work. But it's honest work. And it's worthwhile. I love my job. I love my work.
I think my brain has died. I'm tired of writing now, goodbye.
So I'm pacing around my apartment right now - want to go to bed but don't know where to start. My thoughts are coming in short punctuated bursts - moreso than usual - and I'm trying to convince myself I'm not just finally losing my mind but rather, going through a transition that's needed to happen for months now but for some reason hasn't.
From where and who I was then to where and who I am now.
Maybe? I'd really, really like to think so.
Here we are - one year of stability, one year of recovery, one year of progress. I will not let the memory of those few days out of that one year set me back. To do that would be illogical and counter-productive and all-around stupid.
I've been caught in the past for far too long; the present is more awesome than I'd like to give it credit for and in denying it, I've been doing myself and those around me a great injustice.
I need to not let my shame and self-deprecation hold me back from continuing to progress.
I need to face any issues head-on rather than relying on any sort of crutch.
I need to look ahead and appreciate everything I'm lucky enough to be able to say I have.
I need to not type things out in this ridiculous list form.
I've been dealt the hardest year (and a half?) of my life. But I've come out of it stronger - though granted, slightly more cynical - and I'm too goddamn smart and awesome to host this one person pity-party any longer.
This is the part where I become frighteningly aware that I am attempting to make some sort of life-affirming proclamation via fucking LiveJournal of all places, feel slightly embarrassed, and wrap this shit up as abruptly as it started.
This is the part where I realize I'm tired of talking - all I do is run my mouth, even if I'm the only one around.
I think I'm ready for bed.
Hey, you guise.
I'm around. Comments are screened - let me know if you want a Chrimbus card or something.
Gonna go back to being an isolated, mopey fuck now.
So I've played bass in a hippie's basement for the last 18 out of 48 hours and now I don't want anything to do with it. My fingers don't work now and I'm so fucking frustrated I want to smash the fucking thing and get it over with. You think you're doing well, making progress, figuring out new steps and rhythms and it's gone in an instant. I hate music for this reason. I want to pick it back up like every 5 minutes and hope things are back to speed but it just gets worse and fuck I hate it.
I fucking suck at it and I'm never going to get anywhere and I'm aaauugghhhhh I'm a fucking novice and it's not worth my time
so i think i can go the whole weekend and the following week (work included) wearing the same pair of long shorts every day without
-someone calling me out on it
but then i go and spill fucking soup on them and jesus christ.